The old me

How did I end up here again?
I'm on my bed in a substance fuelled haze
How did I get here?
Reminiscing about the good old days

I tried, I really did
To be everything you thought I would be
I failed, elegantly
Why can't I be good enough as me?

I wish you saw the things I hide
 The fear, the scars and the hate
I wish trying meant some times I'd get it right
But I was destined for a different fate.

I miss the good old days
When the worst that happened was a scraped knee
I miss the hope I had and light I saw
I miss the old me